I had a lovely two color candle of red and pink anointed with a specially made oil and rolled in a mixture of herbs I hand blended. I had my circle cast, the quarters/elements called and Deity invoked. I was calling in love that was passionate as it was heartwarming so I made sure to use my own fluids and raised energy appropriate to the cause. I was nothing if not fully and totally committed to the job at hand.
Days, weeks, and then months later I met a very charming fellow with sandy brown hair and a lovely truck. I found out later the truck was his mothers but at the time all that mattered was that I had “zinged” and my body and heart responded well to this individual.
I manifested this hunk.
I called him in.
And, as it turns out, he was everything I didn’t want.
Does this mean I was not successful in my spellwork? That I had no hand in manifesting this hunk turned creep? Oh no, lovely. I was very successful. I had my hands all up in that manifesting. He was what I called in even though he was the total opposite of what I consciously wanted.
Consider for a moment that everything you see around you, good, bad and indifferent, is in fact precisely what you called in. You manifested it ALL.
Yes, even that.
This can be a very difficult thing for us to admit and acknowledge. It’s hard to face that somewhere within us the undesirable things we see in our life are in fact desired on some level. They are desired on some level because they prove positive a belief that we hold about our self, our worth and our state of deservingness.
That part that is totally getting its jollies on these not so consciously desired things or states of being is the subconscious. This is where your Goddess self resides. This is the feminine generative part of your being. It’s the part of our being that manifests what we see around us.
It also happens to be where everything we’ve experienced, said, encountered, been through resides. While our conscious minds (the place that desires all of the really yummy things in life, or the masculine seed) can only retain a slight fraction of what we have encountered in this life, the subconscious is in essence this supercomputer that holds it all. And since consciously we tend to lean towards wanting only to retain the positive, our subconscious is the home of those things we’ve suppressed, denied or even disowned about and within ourselves and our experiences.
Why does all of this matter?
When we manifest that which we do not desire i.e. a relationship that is hot, heavy and utterly abusive or money that comes in one day and is gone the next, it’s a sign of an un-unified will. Our consciousness, our will or masculine seed, is the part of us that proclaims to the world, God/dess that it wants all the deliciousness this life has to offer. This is the part that wants to really healthy relationship, the limitless abundance, the non stop stability and security in life, love and work.
But when the subconscious is harboring some pretty seedy, infected beliefs, wounds and trauma-that center around us not being worthy or capable of having the yumminess of life then there is no way she opening her legs for your conscious will and its desires.
To put it more plainly-our conscious will must be united and in alignment with our subconscious in order for our manifestation to be a reflection of what we desire. So long as our subconscious wants one thing and our consciousness wants another, we will manifest what resides in our subconscious. And this is because the subconscious is the generative, magick making goddess self machine that runs the whole show.
So how do we bring our subconscious and conscious will together in sweet, magick making, happiness?
We lean into a 4 part process.
Acknowledge that some part of us desires this undesirable thing.
Follow this axiom back to its source. I’ll give you a hint, it’s going to be a belief. Maybe not even one that is yours but one that was drilled into you from your parents, caretakers or peers.
Examine the belief. Is this suitable for you today? Does this belief around unworthiness, havingness, deservingness, etc. resonate? Do you wish to still claim it?
Work on releasing. This is the trickiest part of the whole process and likely something that you will want to work with someone on or commit to a very rigorous and serious routine if self-led (it can be done).
As you begin the process of releasing, and it is a process that does and will take time (you should allow it to-this is not about quick fixing shit), begin to craft the new belief-which is in alignment with that which you desire for yourself and your life. This is crucial. This is not about creating a vacuum. If you pluck a plant from your garden and just leave it what happens? You run the risk of weeds and grass and anything else taking root, which is cool if that is your jam. But if you are trying to be a bit more deliberate you want to consciously fill the void. Same here, love. And because like attracts like, if you just pluck this belief-thing out the tonality of the void is going to draw to it similar experiences, situations and people that just reaffirm the belief you are working so hard to remove. This is why you consciously and deliberately fill the space with intention so that nothing is happenstance and the life you are building is dripping with resonance and beauty and joy!
Good luck, beautiful!