Trying to change a man to suit our vision of him, what I call man-renovation mode can be a very vicious cycle that leads to wasted potential and unhealthy relationship patterns. It is not our jobs to change those in our lives or mold them into who we want or think they should be. It’s futile and only ends up wasting valuable resources that could be better put to use on ourselves. The following small adjustments will assist with getting you out of the “man renovation” mindset:

~The more you focus in on what you don’t want the more of that you will see and receive in your relationship. Highlight instead what you enjoy about your beloved or the relationship. If you are having troubles coming up with even a few things that you are thankful for or enjoy than I would suggest asking yourself why you are still there. 

~No one is perfect. You are not perfect, he is not perfect, and life is not perfect. But you can be perfectly imperfect together. Learning to harness the feeling you want to have in your relationship while being open to the form gives room for our individual uniqueness to shine through.

~It’s very difficult to teach an old dog a new trick but change is truly impossible when we resort to whining, bitching and unsavory behavior which demeans the person we are involved with. If you need something learn to ask and suggest and stay away from insulting another. Though they may not be right for you that doesn’t mean they are somehow flawed overall.

~Relationships suffer greatly when you are taking a microscopic look at your lover or the relationship to avoid turning the scope on yourself. A man (woman) or a relationship should NEVER be the focal point of your universe.  You should be that for yourself. And if you cannot make yourself come first- learn to make yourself happy- there is not a single soul on this planet that will be able to do it for you. Instead of nit picking at another employ that keen eye for detail on yourself and aim towards your personal evolution.

Next time that you are starting to get upset because they haven’t yet changed their Facebook relationship status, neglected to pick up their socks or otherwise grated on your nerves ask yourself whether it’s really worth getting bothered over. Are these acceptable deficiencies or are you searching for a reason to find issues? Remember that you fell for this person for a reason. Though they are certainly not without flaws if you attempt to change the very things that make them who they are you miss the point of a relationship. Each of you should be loved to such a degree that you feel free; free to be yourselves and to rock your flaw.

Laura BrownComment